Life In The Day

Ok, well this might be the worlds most boring day anyone has ever had to read, but I like boring people, so here we go!

0800 - 1000hrs Went 0ut in my PJ's to defrost the chickens...well their water. Big mistake as within about 2 minutes I was blue with cold (-11 here!). Tried hopping up and down in a vain attempt to kick-start the circulation and slipped on the ice and ended up flat on my backside in the snow. The passing motorists were very amused, I could tell from the tone of their honking horns!

Got Aardvark and Rhino up, neither of which had wet the bed, which was a bonus, got them dressed and breakfast down them. Coffee for me watching Auntie Mabel and Pippin find out where poo goes after you flush.

1000 - 1200hrs I am still in my PJ's, the ankle snappers have trodden biscuits in to the carpet, I have told Rhino to stop pulling out the DVD's off the shelf about a million times, hubby has come in for a break from the cold and gets the sharp end of my tongue when he casually asks if I am 'getting dressed any time soon?'.

1200 - 1400hrs For the record, I am now dressed. Everyone lunched and I am now picking toast out of my hair after Rhino kept kissing me with his mouth full. Aardvark wants a story read to her (the same one as the last 20 times) but then gets distracted when Mr Tumble comes on.

This enables me to dive - commando style in to the kitchen to survey the devastation and try to clear up. 2 seconds later, Rhino toddles in and pulls out the entire contents of a cupboard out on to the floor. I tread on the salad spinner, drop a plate, it smashes, I shout, Rhino cries, Aardvark wanders in to see whats happening and leaves rolling her eyes at me. I feel like a rubbish mum.

1400 - 1600hrs Its all gone belly up, chaos rules and I have resorted to giving up for a couple of hours. I feel like a rubbish mum

1600 - 1800hrs Feeding time at the zoo, I am famished but going to Slimming World tonight so am starving myself today. This of course will make knack-all difference because I have eaten far too much rubbish all week. There is a logic in there somewhere - I have no idea where.
Rhino crayons on the wall, gets a telling off, starts crying big fat tears and runs off to Aardvark who cuddles him whilst giving me a very old fashioned look.

Result - I feel like a rubbish mum (theme going here if you have noticed!)

1800 - 2000hrs I put Rhino to bed and we have a cuddle while I give him his milk. He seems to love me again as he is pulling my nose and trying to extract my teeth with his bare hands.
Hubstacle home and I give Aardvark a cuddle before going off to Slimming World, the drive there is like the walk of the condemned.

FFS - I have gained 1.5lbs, EVERYONE ELSE has lost weight and I feel totally and utterly rubbish and want a great big bag of chips - I don't though.

2000 - 2200hrs Go to Tesco on the way home, hubstacle rings tells me he has Rhino on his knee. My battery goes flat, the payphone doesn't work so I have to resort to going back to the car to charge my phone enough to be able to ring home. No emergency, so back to shopping I go.

Meet a member of the drama society I belong to, she tells me it was the 2nd round of auditions tonight and who went for what part. I don't stand a flipperty gibbet chance so went on to buy things I don't need to compensate.

Got home, made tuna and rice, watched Garrow's Law whilst hubstacle had a bath. Left a mess in the kitchen which I will swear about tomorrow morning.

2200 - 0000hrs Checked on children, Aardvark said she loved me in her sleep, Rhino passed wind and I went to bed.

Told you it would be.................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz